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We met on Instagram. I'll be honest, my Instagram was a trap. If I had to describe it, I would use the word “fleshy”, bordering on amateur porn. In comparison, his Instagram was a compilation of professionally shot photos of hype fits and #snobshots.

I found *him on an Asian hypebeast clothing brand’s Instagram and liked his ✨aesthetic✨. I made the first move. And I never make the first move. I do not take initiative, ever. Maybe the love cherubs coerced me to it?

So I followed him.

His followers to following ratio was crazy disproportionate so I didn't expect anything more to happen, but within a couple minutes he followed me back. Later, he sent me a DM asking for my Snapchat. I only gave it to him because he had a striking resemblance to my ex.

The first few months weren't that juicy. He was talking to another girl and I was permanently talking to my ex. I eventually deleted my Instagram after gaining a whole new perspective on publicly sharing our private life (think confessional Instagram post which included intimate details and unauthorized candid pictures of me.)

But I always watched his Snapchat stories because he lived a lavish life. All he ever did was eat Instagram worthy food and wear fucking expensive clothes.

One day I messaged him: 

“I love your life! What do you do?”

He gave me a very detailed answer about reselling clothes. Still, I had no intention of dating him. But he would check up on me every once and awhile.

One day, he told me he completely cut it off with his girl. Admittedly, I was happy about that, but I still didn't think much of it. There were so many factors that made me doubt the possibility of a relationship with him. For one, we were never in the same location. I lived in San Francisco and he bounced back between Los Angeles and New York.



Then one day he told me he wanted to come to San Francisco to meet me. I was hesitant, because meeting strangers on Instagram is fucking sketchy, plus his online presence gives off an “I’m a fuckboy dick” vibe. Eventually, I gave in.

Meeting him in person gave my body anxiety all over. During his flight to San Francisco, I considered not meeting up with him. As evil as it sounds, I was down to just let him figure things out on his own. But those damn love cherubs got me.

I met him at his Airbnb and instantly felt attracted to him. I was mesmerized by him. He was so kind and… He looked so much like my ex.

He said I could stay at the Airbnb with him, if I was feeling it (the Bachelor fantasy suite vibes ✨⚡️☄️), which of course I was.

The Airbnb definitely set up the vibe for our relationship. It was a cozy little room with a private indoor patio. We alternated between cuddling 😏 in our heated den and smoking inside our patio as the heavy rain hit the sunroof. Candles were everywhere, setting the ultimate mood. .

Probably one of my all-time favorite memories of us was me sitting on the patio chair wrapped in his James Perse cashmere sweater listening to his Soundcloud playlist, which was mainly composed of Mura Masa and his LA friends’ work.

I watched him roll a joint, and he lit it with the nearest candle as the rain poured outside. We weren’t concerned with trivial problems, like school, money, or muggers (more his problem than mine.) In that moment, everything was perfect.

He had planned a two-day trip; not too short or too long considering the fact that we had no idea how this trip would go. Secretly, I strategically planned this so he would leave right when my ex came back from a trip (like I said, I was permanently talking to my ex.)

I felt guilty for my ingenuousness, but we didn’t put a label on it yet. At the time, we were just into each other. That was the extent of our relationship.



But after seeing him for the third time and snooping on his phone on the first, I realized he was not only still talking to his ex, he also had another side piece aside from us. When I first met him, I depended on his resemblance to my ex to get through the trip.

Any moment when he didn’t look like him, I felt uneasy. Like I was with a stranger. By the second trip, I felt more comfortable with him as his own self.

The more time I spent with him, the more I cherished his qualities, and the less of my ex I saw in him. As crazy, cheesy, and corny as it sounds, I really started to just like him for him.

A large problem for us, and this is me nitpicking here, is trust. Due to my lack of social skills, all my friends are guys. He has major issues with this. One of the most intense arguments we had went along the lines of, “I’m not going to talk to you until you stop talking to your friend!!” 

I don’t blame him for being jealous. However, it’s a bit irrational considering I snooped his phone and saw all the 🍑 he screenshots, but that’s ammo that I’ll save for another time.

It’s also a bit flattering when it happens to you because one of my old Instagram photos got screenshotted. Except you must compare my itty-bitty titties shot on my dinky ass iPhone 5 to these professionally shot freshly plumped DDs in bikinis.

So he doesn’t trust my friends and I don’t trust his online presence. I’m also 99% sure a Tinder notification popped up when we were both looking at his phone. I think for the sake of saving face on both ends, we just ended up not mentioning it. I’m just so submissive that I just let things happen to me. Whereas when he has a problem, rest assured he will let it be known.

Interestingly, I wouldn’t be that upset if he cheated on me. Considering his lifestyle and our distance, I almost sort of expect it. A smart friend once told me happiness is just reality minus expectations (or is it the other way around?). If that’s true, I’m an ecstatic ignorant fuck.  



Had we known each other in person, I don't necessarily know if we would still be together, or if he would even notice me. He says we would. I've met all his friends and I've seen his life, and I am pretty sure he could be with somebody much better than me. No, scratch that... I am absolutely sure he can do much better.

He is driven, he knows what he wants, and he gets it. I never really understood the concept of charisma until I met him. He walks in a room and either everyone already knows him or they want to.

Even with all the red flags he has added up; the extremely hot exes, the interchangeable usage of “you’re” and “your,” the plethora of tar built up in lungs...

I still don’t understand how he somehow thinks we’re on the same level (of dateability).

From my perspective, we’re on completely different planets and I’m hanging on to the good graces of whatever pushed me towards him in the first place. I’m hanging on to whatever kept him from realizing that we’re not on the same level at all.

The only thing I can say is it would never have happened without Instagram. Gross.



Today, we’re still together. We even made it ~official~. I met him two months ago and we’ve seen each other four times. We make the effort to see each other at least once every month. I always heard that long distance is difficult, but not for us. We both have things we need to do in our respective cities and it’s nice to step away from all of that once a month and be with the one you adore.

Compared to a traditional relationship, we moved very quickly.

I'd only met him in person once, yet our first “I love you” came before we were even boyfriend and girlfriend. And it was online. We were even talking about marriage before that. Recently, we’ve been focusing on moving in together. For all those wondering, I am completely aware I’ve known this man for only two months.

I don't know if that's just his dating style or it's because we're doing this long distance so we feel like we have so much ground to cover.

I’m 99% sure he isn’t genuine about moving in together; I’m not exactly sure if I mean it when I say it (if I must contemplate it, that probably means no.)

Either way, I'm fully invested in us and I wouldn’t even know how to stop it if I wanted to… I mean, we’ve got matching tattoos.



*Editor's Note: They are no longer together.

Leaving Sweden

Leaving Sweden

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How's College In Sweden?